I apologise for this little rant being several years out of date, as I believe that Lucozade dropped this particular advertising slogan some time ago. However, it’s a phrase that’s – for some reason – been rattling around in my brain for the last few days, and I’ve finally realised what it is that bothers me about it.
Lucozade: giving you a physical edge.
Look at this phrase. Look at it. Think hard. What’s wrong?
What’s wrong, of course, is that the individual or team who came up with the slogan seem to think that without Lucozade, you don’t have a physical edge. So what’s the alternative? The implication is that instead of the hard lines between what is my body and what is not my body, there is a gentle transition, and that I gradually fade away around the edges like a TV picture that hasn’t yet been converted to HD.
This is not the case with my body, and I’m willing to bet that it’s not the case with yours either. I have a physical edge, and I’m very proud of it, thank you very much. So Lucozade can piss off and stop making slanderous insinuations about the borderlines defining my existence.
N.B. I am well aware that – if this article were being written on a website where people would actually read it – I’d be inundated with e-mails telling me that technically, I do not have a physical edge, because when you get down to the atomic level, I’d find that in fact the spaces between my atoms are vast, and that therefore you could probably argue that I am composed mostly of empty space, which does not constitute a physical edge. As I say, I am aware of this argument, and my only response is that even were I to accept it, then drinking Lucozade would not fill in the gaps between my atoms. Therefore, if we accept that I don’t currently have a physical edge, then Lucozade’s advertising slogan is misleading.
Right. So, with that sorted, we can all get back to our edgy lives.