Now, before I start this article, I think I should make it clear that I’ve never read a book by Andy McNab and that so far as I’m concerned, it’s therefore perfectly possible his books are well written, interesting, and literarily significant. With that disclaimer out of the way, I’ll begin.
This story starts, as so many do, at Fareham train station. This morning, as those unfortunate enough to have been there will recall with some fury, all the trains were cancelled due to a hilarious jape on the part of British Rail, who had closed the line from Southampton last night and forgot to open it again. As I sat there on a bench, scowling with impotent rage, my eyes wandered across the line to the opposite platform, where I saw a large advert for a novel by Andy McNab.
I can’t remember what this novel is called, but it sounds rubbish. The tagline says, “When Somali pirates have kidnapped your son, you need someone who doesn’t play by the rules.” If only I had known that before. I can’t begin to count the number of times my son’s been kidnapped by Somali pirates and I just kept on getting someone who did play by the rules. At least now I know where I’ve been going wrong.
So as you may be able to tell, I looked at this tagline and dismissed it with a derisive snort (a silent derisive snort, I hasten to add – snorting derisively in public is generally looked down on, as I’ve previously found to my cost). But because there were no trains, my eyes kept coming back to the bloody advert, and eventually I started that dreadful line of thought – “Wouldn’t it be good if ...?”
In this case, I was wondering how good it would be if the printers had well and truly fucked up the tagline, resulting in the infinitely more appealing, “When your son has kidnapped someone who doesn’t play by the rules, you need Somali pirates.” I don’t know about you, but that book would be one I’d definitely have to read.
And now, on my return home, I have found that I’m really rather taken with this idea, and just had to share it with you. That’s all.